THESE ARE NOT GEORGE CARLIN!



Sent: Friday, June 15, 2001 3:02 PM
Subject: Fw: George Carlinism's


>
>
>
> > George Carlinism's
> >
> > 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does
> he
> > become disoriented?
> >
> > 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't  people from
Holland
> > called Holes?
> >
> > 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
> >
> > 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
> >
> > 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
> >
> > 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
> >
> > 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your
> two
> > cents in, what happens to the other penny?
> >
> > 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
> >
> > 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just  stale bread to
> > begin with.
> >
> > 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
> >
> > 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who
> > drives a race car not called a racist?
> >
> > 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
> >
> > 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
> >
> > 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >
> > 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
> > Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
> >
> > 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
> that
> > electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models
> > deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
> >
> > 17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
> >
> > 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
> >
> > 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
> >
> > 20. Why do people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get
> older?
> > Are they cramming for their final exam?
> >
> > 21. Our mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so
> what
> > do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
> >
> > 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are
> we
> > supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on
> the
> > postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the
> mail?
> >
> > 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
> the
> > others here for?
> >
> > 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
> >
> > 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.
> >
> > 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
> >
> > 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door
> went
> > nuts.
> >
> > 28. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>