Brain Droppings


I like sports because I enjoy knowing that many of these macho atheletes have to vomit before a big game. Any guy who take a job where you gotta puke first is my kind of guy.

Sties are caused by watching your dog shit.

We're all fucked. It helps to remember that.

Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.

White people fucked up the blues.

If you love someone, set them free; if they come home, set them on fire.

Some favorite oxymorons:
assistant supervisor
new tradition
original copy
plastic glass
uninvited guest

Most people are not particularly good at anything.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music.

I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.

The only good thing to come out of religion was the music.

There ought to be at least one round state.

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.

Why can't there be more suffering?

Unnecessary Words
There is a tendency these days to complicate speech by adding unnecessary words. The following phrases all contain at least one word too many.

emergency situation
fear factor
peace process
shower activity
free of charge
intensity level
surgical procedure
knowledge base
belief system
boarding process
forest setting
seating area
floatation device
beverage items
sting operation
hospital environment
prison setting
facial area


Where does the Dentist go when he leaves the room?

I almost don't feel the way I do.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Fuck soccer moms.

Human beings are kind of interesting from birth until they reach the age of a year and a half. Then they are boring until they reach fifty. By that time they're either completely defeated and fucked up, which makes them interesting again, or they've learned how to beat the game, and that makes them interesting too.

Ross Perot. Just what a nation of idiots needs: a short, loud idiot.

The bigger they are, the worse they smell.

No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.

Some favorite redundancies:

added bonus
total abstinance
young children
exactly right
subject matter
revert back
true fact
honest truth
sum total
join together
ferryboat
free gift
general public
bare naked
unique individual
new initiative
end result


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